The Highschool For the Mentally Unstable
by The Wammy Girls
Summary: Matt, Mello, BB, A and Near have been forced to go to high school by Watari in hopes that it will improve their people skills. However, turns out the only school that will accept them is a high school for the mentally unstable on the coast of Queensland, Australia. Join them on their crazy adventure with 5 hopelessly insane girls. Rated for violence and Mello's mouth.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. Absolutely nothing. We don't even own ourselves. We belong to our parents.**

It was one of the rare quiet moments at Wammy's House, this only occurring because it was 7:15 am on a Saturday morning in the middle of July; not even Mello and Near would get up so early on the summer holidays. The silence was disturbed by a dark grey Rolls Royce pulling into the vast driveway with a soft purring of the engine. When it stopped, an elderly gentleman with soft ash grey hair and a dark suit stepped out of the car and opened the door for a young man.

"Thank you, Watari," the man said quietly. He had unkempt obsidian black hair and deep onyx eyes. They were so dark; you could barely distinguish the pupils from the irises. He wore a simple long sleeved white shirt and blue jeans. The man put a thumb to his lips and gave a small smile. "The orphanage is not usually so quiet," he observed.

"Well, it is a Saturday," Watari said wryly. "Therefore, we shouldn't keep Roger waiting." The man nodded and led the way inside, heading towards the back of the building. As they came to a pair of massive oak doors, he paused and knocked.

"Come in," called a voice from the other side of the doors. The man twisted the handle and let Watari and himself in.

"Good morning, Roger," he said pleasantly to the room's other occupant. This new man was also elderly and wore a respectable tweed suit with matching half glasses.

"Good morning to you, L. It is good to see you again," Roger replied. "What business do you have here this time?"

"Watari has informed me that the boy's social skills are not improving," L began. "Near still keeps anyone and everyone at a distance, Matt and Mello refuse to interact with anyone else more than necessary, the same with A and BB threatens anybody who tries to get close to himself and A." L listed. Roger sighed heavily.

"So, I take that the conditions set at your last visit are still in place then?" Roger asked. L nodded. "Do you really think this is a good idea?"

"Watari placed me through a similar situation when I was a child here. Basic social skills are of great necessity to be an effective detective that the others will listen to," L stated.

"The boys won't like it," Roger warned him.

"I know," L commented dryly. "That is why Watari and I will tell them, since they have more respect for us than you."

"Very well," Roger conceded gravely. "I'll tell them to meet the both of you in your room at 11 o'clock."

"Thank you," L said as he let himself out. Roger watched Watari follow L and grimaced to himself. _'There will be plenty of yelling today,' _he thought grimly.

SCENE BREAK!

"You can't be fucking serious," Mello said slowly. He, Matt, BB, A and Near had just finished breakfast (at 10:30 am, gotta love sleeping in), when Roger had told them that L was here and the he wanted to see them in half an hour. This resulted in a mad dash to their respective rooms to get themselves presentable by Roger's standards, which meant that it was 11:08 by the time all five boys were ready (BB spent the half hour arguing that he was still presentable, even if his shirt had jam splodges on it before finally caving). Watari had then explained that; while four of them had _some _form of social skills; the boys need both better people skills and to practise blending in with normal people a bit better. L then picked up the slack and told them that they would be sent to a public/private school to interact with people their age and possibly make more friends. Needless to say; they were all shocked.

"We are very serious Mello." Watari said sternly "Also, please don't use such vulgar language." The boys were speechless. They were going to a regular high school, in the same grades as other kids their ages; even though the work would probably be too easy for them. If L was going to this to them, social skills must be more important than any of them thought.

BB was the first to recover. "Who said we'd actually go?" He questioned, his scarlet eyes flashing with defiance. "I mean, we'd all stand out like pig in a black room. He had a point there. BB's hair was jet black and stuck up everywhere, his red eyes contrasting viciously with his navy blue T-shirt and black cargo pants, that concealed a pocketknife used to eat jam with. Mello wore leather and eat chocolate 24/7, but was still ridiculously skinny. Matt was a gamer in stripes and goggles and Near was completely white; including his favoured pyjamas. A was by far the most normal looking; with sandy blond-brown hair and hazel eyes. He dressed normally too; usually a long-sleeved shirt and knee length pants, but if the shirt sleeves slid up, you could clearly see the faint scars he gave himself in his depression. He was improving, but was still worried about what others would think if they found out.

"You WILL all go," L told them firmly, "or you will all be cut from the succession program. You will still stay at Wammy's, but you will no longer by competing to by my successor." The jaws of all boys dropped, except for Near; who just blinked rapidly.

"As for you standing out, Watari could only find one school willing to take you all in and you shouldn't stand out there at all. Now go pack your things, your flight leaves at 4 o'clock this afternoon." L's tone said that the conversation was over. Mutely, the boys started to leave the room.

L watched them and said "I don't want to cut you boys from the program, but if you can't successfully interact with other people in a way that they are comfortable with; no-one will listen to you, do you understand?" The boys nodded and left.

**SCENE BREAK! **

Each boy packed his bags without speaking a word. By the time they finished, news of their predicament had flooded the orphanage. When they walked into the dining hall for lunch, all eyes were on them and they were the topic of everyone's conversation. Mello and BB were too shocked by the arrangement to glare at their fellow orphans. When they finished eating, they piled into Watari's Rolls Royce and drove to the airport in silence. As they boarded their plane, they noticed that their destination was…

"Australia? We're going to a school in Australia?" Matt asked in confusion.

"In Queensland somewhere, to be accurate," Near said flatly.

"It was the only school Watari could find that would accept you all… and where A's scars wouldn't stand out," L explained softly. This sentence did not bode well,

"What's the name of this school, L?" A questioned and the plane took off.

"Nattum High. It is a school for… mentally disabled children," L sounded just as unhappy as his heirs about the choice.

"Why? We aren't weird enough to go to an asylum," Near stated calmly; his discomfort displaced only by the sharp yanking on his hair.

"It was the only school willing to accept Mello, Matt and BB's prank record. Watari and I wanted to keep you all together so that you would at least know someone. We also thought they would be more understanding if A was found out." The boys realised that L was just as uncomfortable with this as they were and that he was only doing it to help them increase their chances of being his successor. He and Watari had gone out of their way to make this as easy for the boys as possible, so the boys all shut up and prepared for the long flight ahead of them.

**SCENE BREAK!**

After twenty-two hours on the plane (spent sleeping by all the Wammy boys; even L), another hour on a different plane and a forty-five minute drive into what looked like the middle of nowhere; the boys were well rested and as mentally prepare as possible for what they were about to face. Their hired car pulled up in front of a massive cluster of buildings; Near counted fifteen in total, plus several three-storey apartment-like blocks in a semicircle around another building. There was plenty of space to run and play outside and the only thing making the place was the twenty-five metre fence; made of vertical steel poles, to prevent the students climbing them. The closest thing to the fence was a short tree; about six metres from the fence.

L pressed a button on an intercom at the entrance gate and explained their business. The gate opened and L drove partway up the driveway, where some of the staff unloaded the car, told L that the boys need to go to the building behind them labelled 'Admin', that their luggage would be taken to their room and that he had five minutes to say goodbye. L gave each boy a hug; which surprized them a bit; wished them good luck and told them that Watari would collect them at the end of the semester. He then returned to the car and left.

The boys took a deep breathe, turned around and headed towards the admin building. L was gone; there was no turning back now.

**Authors Note: We would like at least 1 review before we update. **


	2. Meet the Crew

**Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story whatsoever. The Death Note characters belong to whoever wrote Death Note, Nutella belongs to someone who is not me, the storyline belongs to my friend and the unrecognisable characters belong to their parents.**

**Summary: Matt, Mello, BB, A and Near have been forced to go to high school by Watari in hopes that it will improve their people skills. However, turns out the only school that will accept them is a high school for the mentally unstable on the coast of Queensland, Australia. Join them on their crazy adventure with 5 hopelessly insane girls.**

As soon as they arrived, they were introduced to Mr Smith, the principal. After giving them a tour of the school, he showed them to the kitchen. When they got there however, they discovered that the kitchen was already occupied.

Mr Smith sighed and prepared to give a long explanation. "Boys, meet Alice, Alex, Zelda, Tia and Jaz." The five girls ignored them. The principle heaved an exasperated sigh. "Girls, be polite for once, now turn around and say hello," he told them warily. All five girls turned around and looked at them. Eventually the most normal looking one said hello, while glaring at the other four to do the same.

The other four then said hello, whilst grumbling something about newcomers not knowing anything. Mr Smith pointed to the shortest one and introduced her. "Boys, this is Zelda; she is a pyromaniac with ADHD who loves violence and sharp things." Said girl glared at Mr Smith. She had blonde hair with the occasional streak of red running through it. Her hair was quite long; falling to her waist, with the occasional wave and framed a chubby cheeked face. She had green eyes that looked quite dangerous. Mello noticed she was wearing two necklaces.

"Hey, what's with the jewellery?" he asked genuinely curious.

She glared at him accusingly before replying, "The red one with the rock is for safe travel."

"Why on earth would you need that?" asked A inquisitively.

She muttered under her breath about clueless boys and evil rocks before replying;" So I don't trip over as much idiot."

"You trip over so much that you need a rock to protect you?" inquired Matt.

"You die now!" sang the chubby cheeked one happily. Matt gulped and started backing away as Zelda started to pace forward slowly, intent on spilling Matt's blood.

Mr Smith sighed in resignation. "Would you four girls please restrain Zelda before we have to fill out the paper work for the insurance company?" As if on cue, the other girls got into a seemingly well practiced restraining position and prepared to be thrown off.

"Zelda, if you don't knock it off with the random attacks, you won't be able to eat cake all week!" The normal looking one chided sternly. Sighing in defeat, Zelda backed down and the others released her.

"Moving right along", changing the subject quickly and tactfully as he was renowned for, Mr Smith indicated to the tallest two girls. "This is Alice and Alex; they're twins. Both are pyromaniacs that love violence and sharp things and have DID. Alice is also somewhat OCD…with symmetry." Alice had pale brown hair that reached about two inches below her shoulders and reddish brown eyes. Alex had curly, chocolate brown hair in a ponytail and deep brown eyes. Mr Smith then moved on to introducing the next girl.

"This is Tia. She, like the others, is a violence and sharp thing loving pyromaniac, but seems to have an unhealthy obsession with Nutella." Mello and BB looked at her with newfound respect. Tia's hair was honey brown with blonde highlights. Her eyes were light brown.

"You do know that stuff isn't good for you right?" asked Near.

"Moving right along, this is Jaz," said Mr Smith pointing to the most regular one. Said girl had shoulder length light brown hair that slightly flared on the end. Her eyes were hidden by tinted purple lenses with silver arms. "She is simply insane by association." Jaz gave a small wave.

"Anyway, what were you girls doing in here anyway?' inquired Mr Smith.

"Ah, you know, the usual", replied Tia.

"What exactly is the usual?" asked BB.

"You know, chocolate, Nutella, cake, matches, knives and pancake mix", replied Alice, seemingly unperturbed. Again Mr Smith offered a sigh.

"Girls, how many times have I told you? The matches and Knives are only handled by the staff and you are not the staff nor do you have permission to touch them!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," dismissed Zelda.

"…Fine then. Girls, since you are the most responsible of the student body, your task is to make sure the boys know the school and keep them out of trouble."

"WHAT?!" screeched all five girls in incredible unison.

"Wait, THESE are the most responsible students?!" exclaimed Mello.

"I'm with Mello, they're going to kill us!" cried Matt.

"We wouldn't kill you!" Alex huffed indignantly "…just severely injure you." The boys began to protest before Mr Smith cut them off.

"You boys look like you'd be able to fend off a bunch of teenage girls right?"

"Of course we could, they're girls" exclaimed an outraged BB.

"Did you just dis us 'cause we're girls?" Growled Alex; giving BB an impressive death glare.

"Not now, Alex" Sighed a tired looking Mr Smith.

"Okay sir, I'll be good!" said a suddenly cheerful Alex.

"Alright then, girls, the boys will be staying in the apartment next to yours, I expect you to take good care of them". Mr Smith turned around to leave.

"Wait you're going to leave us here with them?" asked a sceptical Near.

"You'll be fine, they are all proficient at martial arts."

"Wait…never mind" muttered Matt.

"Good, then I'll leave you to it, I'll be in my room if you need me" said Mr Smith happily before turning and almost skipping off to have a sleep.

"Well, are you going to show us to our apartment?" demanded Mello.

"Not yet; the cake isn't done", replied Tia.

"What cake?" asked A curiously.

"The one Zelda was baking before we were interrupted" said Alice.

"Hang on, why the bloody hell are you letting HER cook?!" Screamed BB.

"Because she is good at cooking, duh" said an exasperated Jaz.

"I thought they said you guys were smart?" said Alice.

"We are to- wait, who told you about us?" demanded Mello.

"Mr Johnstone of course", said Zelda, not looking up from the cake she was icing.

"He said your names are Matt, Mello, BB, Near and A; you're not really crazy 'cept for BB and A, who's got mild depression and that you're all here to work on your social skills."

"Oh, that's okay then" Matt let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

"DONE~!" exclaimed Zelda happily, brandishing her cake before them. "Okay, now we can show you your apartment."

The girls led them into the corridor that contained the apartments. Once there the girls showed them to one to the right of an apartment that had various threats stuck to the door; involving the creative use of a sporkafife, various amounts of both sharp and common household objects and a few poisons and drugs.

"I'm assuming the apartment with the threats on the door is yours?" BB said, vainly attempting to keep the begrudging respect out of his voice.

"Yep. Well, we'll leave you to get settled in and we will see you in the morning." Jaz informed them cheerily. She started to turn towards her apartment with the other girls before clapping her hands together. "Oh, wait!" She exclaimed turning back to face the boys. They regarded her impatiently. She put on a wide and slightly insane grin before announcing "Welcome to Nattum High School for the Mentally Imbalanced."


	3. The Morning After

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, as said before, nothing except my I-Pod. Which, having said that, could be taken off me at any time by my parents.**

**Authors note: We have edited the first and second chapter so that personal information stays personal, as per request by a not-so anonymous reviewer. We would like to give a HUGE thank you to all the lovely people who are reviewing. Keep it up! Not just for this story, but for any story that you like. **

The next morning the boys were awakened to the sound of fists pounding on wood. Then suddenly… **CRASH!** "Rise and shine sleepy heads, time to get up get dressed and prepare yourselves for the torture that is school." Alex's voice sang from down the corridor.

"Who was that?" Mello groaned.

"I do believe that was the insane girls that are now responsible for our wellbeing; coming to wake us up", replied BB, knowing that it was a rhetorical question.

"Time for breakfast boys!" yelled Tia, as she ran in banging a spoon against a sauce pan.

"What do you mean time for breakfast, it's only seven thirty!" screamed A.

"Yeah and that means it's time to get ready", said Jaz slowly. All five boys stared at her like she'd grown an extra head.

"Oh, I get it! These guys are the pampered kind that has never gotten out of bed before nine o'clock in their lives!" exclaimed Zelda with glee. "We're going to have fun teaching them about the real world!"

"Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it!" Alice exclaimed with a wide grin.

"Now as we were saying, get up, get dressed and we'll take it from there," ordered Jaz.

"Can you please leave first?" Questioned Near quietly from his bed in the corner.

"Oh, okay!" the girls chimed before skipping out.

"Man they are WEIRD!" said an astonished Matt from his bed.

"Yeah, well, that was expected, we ARE in a mental facility," pointed out BB.

**SCENE BREAK!**

Ten minutes later, the boys; now dressed; walked out of their room and knocked on the room next door. "You guys in there?" inquired Near.

"Yeah, just a minute!" came a slightly muffled voice.

"Wonder what they are doing in there?" Mello said idly.

"Probably something they don't want us to know about as they asked us to wait," said A, answering yet another of Mello's rhetorical questions.

Suddenly, the door burst open and the five girls appeared. "To the time tabling room to get your schedules!" they cried as they grabbed a boy each and started dragging them down the hall.

**SCENE BREAK!**

"Wow, it looks like you guys seem to have been paired up with us" said an astounded Jaz.

"Yeah, I wonder how THAT happened", said Zelda sarcastically.

"Well A, BB looks like you've got classes with Alice and Alex, Matt and Mello, you're with Zelda and Tia, and Near you're with me."

"Why do I have to be put with 2 weirdos instead of just one?" whined Matt.

"Look, we don't make the rules redhead!" growled Zelda threateningly.

"But imagine if we did…" Tia trailed off as she went into a dreamlike state full of cake and chocolate.

"Snap out of it Tia!" Alice yelled as she slapped Tia in the face.

"Ouch!" Tia yelped, backing away from Alice. She turned to Jaz. "Jaaaazzzz! A-Alice hit meeee!"

"Alice had to hit you to snap you out of whatever dream-reality you were in," Jaz deadpanned.

"Now, who wants to go get breakfast?"

"OH! OH! We do! We do!" the other girls chorused. "To the kitchen!"

**SCENE BREAK!**

After a nutritious breakfast of chocolate pancakes, choc chip ice-cream and a few strawberries; the girls were ready to depart for class. The boys, however, were another story entirely.

"Where the fucking hell is the jam!?" screeched BB, searching the cupboards franticly. The girls stared at him for a few seconds before replying.

"Cupboard on the bottom left; next to the fridge… can I ask why you're treating jam like its crack?" Alex inquired warily.

"BB has an addiction to strawberry jam," A informed the bewildered girls; as BB dove for the specified cupboard. He rummaged around for a few minutes before withdrawing; clutching a jar of jam to his chest, like it was gold or something.

Alex blinked. "Okay," she said slowly. "Well, when he's done; we should head to class."

"Anywhere around here where I can have a smoke?" Matt asked Zelda. She looked at him pityingly for a bit before replying.

"Smoking's not allowed here, 'cause it might be dangerous to let some of the patients have lighters," Zelda explained sympathetically. "If you ask Mr Smith really nicely, he might make an exception for you, seeing as your sane and all." She shrugged as Matt's shoulders slumped. Since Mello and Tia were finished in the kitchen (after stoking up on chocolate bars too numerous to count), Zelda started to drag Matt off to their 10th grade chemistry lesson; Tia and Mello hot on their heels.

"See ya at first break!" Tia called over her shoulder. The other girls waved acknowledgment; while Jaz checked her timetable. After see what subject she had next, she squealed happily,

"Near! We have Japanese first up! Come on, come on, _come on_!" She ran out of the kitchen and waited for Near, before deciding that he was moving to slow for her liking and practically carrying him in the opposite direction to the others. BB and A stared after them; jaws hanging open at Jaz's antics (considering that she was the sanest of the five girls…).

Alice rolled her eyes at Alex before nudging the boys to get their attention. They closed their mouths; mutely following the twin girls out of the kitchen and off to their eleventh grade maths B class. They pondered what kind of reaction they would get from their new teacher, and Beyond grinned ferally, having just realized that that Mello was still wearing his leather, Matt his goggles and Near his PJs. Strangely, the girls hadn't commented, but the boys' poor teachers was sure to have a heart attack. He started laughing and the others in his group turned to look at him. As this happened, A noticed Alice's eyes go wide; then change to a vivid amber. Alex's eyes had done the same; but her eyes were now a golden bronze. A suddenly recalled what the principle had said about the girls having DID. '_Oh no' _A thought. '_This CAN NOT be good…'_


	4. Code Blue

**Authors note: I can't keep up! Read slower! Please! Nahhh… I'm just joking; I am an insanely fast reader, so, umm, yeah. It's all good. I just need to stop being lazy. Oh, and the thing with the twins skipping? We actually do that. Everyone stares. I have no idea why...**

**Disclaimer: I, the writer of this Fic, own nothing. The dissecting toads idea was mine though. I don't even personally own the computer this was typed on! So, anyway, standard stuff, I own nothing, blah, blah, and blah. Now on with the story!**

As they lined up outside their classroom; BB and A noticed that they were being stared at. A quick glance around revealed the source to be a pair of ditzy looking females.

"Look at his hair," whispered one to the other, looking horrified yet fascinated. "It's so… MESSY and…SIDEWAYS!" The other girl nodded agreement. BB turned to look at them directly.

"Is there a _problem _ladies?" He inquired acidly.

"Nooo…" Replied the girl, obviously playing dumb. This, as expected did not go down too well with the super genius. Readying his dead glare, BB prepared to turn the stupid girl into a pile of carbon based mush, but was stopped when Alice turned around and glared at the girls for him.

"Who do you think you're fooling, playing dumb like that?" demanded Alice.

"Yeah, we all know you just like to annoy people" chimed in Alex with a smirk. The girl drew breath to retaliate, but her friend slapping a hand over her mouth cut her off.

"She's sorry Vex, really," the other girl; said glaring at her friend. "Right?" Her friend nodded quickly in fear, before the two shuffled off.

"Who's Vex?" A asked in confusion. Alice started to reply, but a man that looked suspiciously like a Disney character saying to go in and sit down interrupted her.

While going into the class room A quietly asked who this strange man was. "That's Mr Hamstoner, our maths teacher" replied Alex with a sigh. "Nobody really likes him, so we don't even call him by that, we just call him Woody or Mr Hamburger."

"I was wondering which Disney movie I recognised him out of," said BB. The class sat down and Mr Hamstoner took the roll.

"A?"

"Here."

"BB?"

"Here."

"Alice and Alex?" There was no reply from either twin and as everyone in the class turned to look for the girls, BB noticed that they weren't even in the room. He started to ask A if he knew where their nutcase guides were, when there was a suspicious banging in the roof. Seconds later, Alice's head popped out of the air vent.

"Don't worry, Mr Hamburger. Vex is here!" the girl sang, dropping from the ceiling and landing on a… manhole cover? _'What. The. Fuck?' _A thought. The cover shook and Alice (Vex? This was giving A and BB a headache) jumped off of it. Immediately afterwards, Alex pushed up the cover and held it over her head.

"Toni too! Don't forget Toni!" she chimed. The teacher and students blanched. Mr Hamstoner slowly pulled his phone out of his back pocket; not taking his eyes off the twins. He dialled a number.

"Hello, Mr Smith? The twins have gone loopy again." The teacher looked like he was about to shit bricks. "...Yes, I do believe that it will be necessary. Yes, thank you Principle Smith." He hung up and waited for the backup; ignoring the questioning stares of A and Beyond.

_**With Mr Smith...**_

The principle sighed after Mr Hamstoner hung up. Shaking his head, he hit a speed dial on his phone and prepared for all hell to break lose. _'I need a holiday,' _he thought tiredly.

_**With Near and Jaz...**_

Jaz's phone pinged in the middle of her Japanese. The substitute teacher gave her a dirty look as she pulled it out to read the text in the middle of class. After doing so; she paused, read it again, then said something extremely worrying in this school.

"Shit." Near looked at her questioningly, but she just called someone on her iPhone. "Hey, Zelda? Grab Tia, we're off to G204...Its a Code Blue...Yeah, bring the boys too, since it'll save us explaining stuff twice or more. Okay, see youse in a minute." She hung up and turned to the sub. "I need to go and Near's coming with me. If we don't go, you're going to see the Armageddon mofo. Mr Smith gave us permission." She then rose from her seat, dragged Near out of his and marched off, muttering about inconsiderate bitches with rubbish timing skills._ 'What's going on?'_ Near wondered.

_**Back with A and Beyond...**_

"Can someone explain what's happening here?" A snapped at the teacher. He had every right to be mildly pissed off. Vex/Alice and Tonni/Alex were causing absolute chaos in the classroom and the teacher wasn't letting anyone out of the building. The teacher didn't even respond. All of a sudden, three bodies jumped in through an open window and tackled the twins. One of the bodies began to slap both twins. A recognised Jaz, Tia and Zelda after a minute of shouting. They kept going on about returning to their mind and letting Alice and Alex back out. Mello, Matt and Near appeared at the windows.

"Hi A, hi B," Matt said. "Any idea what's going on here?"

"Not a clue, everyone keeps ignoring us," BB informed them bitterly. Just then there was a shout of triumph. The boys turned to look and saw Jaz, Tia and Zelda helping the twins off the floor. A noted that Alex's eyes were back to their normal brown. Alice's had also returned to normal.

"Thanks guys," Alice was saying. She faced the Wammy boys. "Since, you probably want an explanation, the girls who just caused al this..." she began, gesturing to the chaotic mess behind her.

"...was caused by our alter egos, Vex and Tonni. We have alter egos because of our DID, dissuasive identity disorder. If you were as smart as Mr Smith said you guys were, you should have figured it out," Alex finished with a sniff.

"Hey, we were just dragged out of our classes for no apparent reason! How were we supposed to know!" Mello protested. "Besides, A and Beyond are only 4th and 5th, so they have an excuse."

"Whatever. We gotta get back to class," Jaz said, climbing out the window. "Come on Near, oh, and good luck to you two," she directed this at A and BB. "Hamstoner's EVIL when he's pissed and he's guaranteed to be pissed now." On that happy note, she and the others left. Sure enough, the teacher did look pretty mad.

"We'll see youse second break!" Alice called after her friends as the rest of the class sat back down.

"We want A and B to try the burgers!" Then, the class resumed.

_**55 minutes later…**_

"THAT WAS TORTURE!" fumed BB as he ran from the said classroom in desperation.

"Come on, it wasn't THAT bad was it?" said Alex innocently (Wait, scratch that, Alex was never innocent, even at the age of 3).

"Alex is right, it's worse in summer, that's when the smell comes back" commented Alice.

"WHAT SMELL!?" screamed BB and A in Unison?

"Whoa, hold it, no unison screaming, it's unnatural," said Alex, mildly creeped out. "The smell's origin is unknown, but its always around this block in the summer."

"Okay then, moving on to the most important matter for today, lets get the boys a burger," said Alice; gaining everyone's attention at the thought of food.

_**30 minutes Later…..**_

"Wow, that burger was good, what was on it again?" asked A really wanting to know what it was about that burger that made it so good.

"That, my friend, was the school's world famous honey mustard chicken burger," said Alex. BB mentally decided that it was almost as good as his beloved jam.

"Hey, get up it's time for Biology!" screamed Alice suddenly.

"Shit, we're late!" cursed Alex. Alice sighed.

"You still haven't got that watch fixed have you?" said Alice, slightly exasperated.

"He, he…" laughed Alex nervously.

"Whatever are we going to do with you Alex?"

"Feed me chocolate?" said Alex hopefully.

"Not a chance, we know what happens when you eat chocolate!" answered A, having seen said results that morning over breakfast. Let's just say that no one that had seen it before now knew _exactly _why she was in this place.

"Moving on from that awkward memory, let's get going before we really **ARE** late!" shouted Alice before grabbing BB's hand and starting to run, while Alex did the same with A.

_**5 minutes and lots of cussing later…**_

"What the fuck was that for?" screamed A accusingly.

"We were going to be late" said Alice, TRYING to act innocent (note TRYING).

"Whatever, let's just get on with it" sighed BB, who was trying REALLY hard not to strangle somebody.

Going inside they saw toads strapped down to the tables, ready for dissection. The dissection equipment however, was made out of plastic, as you know, most of these kids love sharp things. Plus, this was a government-funded school so it never had the right equipment. After seeing the situation, the four in unison death glared the teacher, who decided now would be a good time to cower under the desk.

"Wimp, he does that every time!" fumed Alex.

"He KNOWS we're not allowed to injure members of staff!" agreed Alice.

"Should we start the dissection now? I think BB needs to cut something," said A, worrying about how long BB would last in these sort of conditions.

"If that's the case, let's get going!" said Alice, punching the air enthusiastically.

_**65 minutes and a lot of guts later…**_

"I never knew that dissections could be so much fun!" said Alex, as she skipped along, still under the influence of her gore induced high.

'_We really need to stop letting her participate in science,' _thought Alice; watching her twin bounce off the wall.

"Is she normally like this?" asked A, watching Alex with distrust.

"Yep, pretty much," answered Alice, who was trying incredible hard not to follow her sister and start skipping, while singing 'We're off To See the Wizard' at the top of her voice. She refrained, guiding the boys to a covered, triangular area with blue seats and waited for the others. They all showed up together and Alex waved them over.

"Class was boring, easy and the teacher has decided he hates us," BB listed. "How were your first two lessons in this madhouse?"

"Well..." Matt began.

**Authors Note: About the skipping and singing thing, we actually do this and get all these funny looks from people. Don't know why though… As always, hope you enjoyed this and you review, 'cause if you don't we won't update!Just joking, we will update, but only if we receive contact from the outside world.**


	5. Mello and Matt's First Day in Hell

Author's Note: We has received contact from the outside world! Yay! Ok, just want to clear a few things up: L did not go to this school; it was just the only one that would take all five Wammy boys, Beyond and A are in the house at the same time as the others 'cause we (Jaz) fudged their ages so the story would work, the OC characters are actually based of us; the reason we're all friends is that we like the same things and we do have one person who was normal until she met everyone else (Jaz), in a few chapter's time the girls' pasts will be explained and I will try to give them better defined personalities. I'll tell you what I'm aiming for so you guys can help me fix it up.

**Alice: crazy, slightly insensitive and I'll bring out the OCD more,**

**Alex: crazy, very emotional and jumpy, **

**Tia: crazy, pessimistic and a bit of an introvert,**

**Zelda: crazy, hyper and optimistic.**

**Jaz: weird, antisocial (mostly) and perceptive. **

**All right, how does that sound? Now, on to Matt and Mello in chemistry!**

As Tia and Zelda led the way to chemistry, Mello mentally ran through arguments to wear his leather. It wasn't breaking any rules that he knew of, so he should be good; unless the girls failed to inform him of any school uniform. He glanced at them quickly. Zelda had a grey t-shirt and denim knee-length pants…she was also bouncing as she walked. _'Okay'_ he thought, turning to Tia. She had khaki cargo pants and a three-quarter sleave yellow shirt. _'Looks like there's no dress-code'_ his relief was interrupted by Matt.

"Where is everyone?" the redhead questioned. There didn't seem to be anyone around this side of the science block. Zelda assumed what was supposed to be a deadpan, serious expression.

"I suspect," she began, pausing dramatically. "That they were turned into pickles and eaten by Japanese ninjas on a secret assassination mission. We must find these ninja before they return to Japan after hopefully killing off one of the useless teachers!" She struck a victory pose and grinned maniacally. Mello stared at her whilst Matt blinked rapidly. Tia sighed.

"Zelda, did you take your ADHD meds?" Tia inquired. A rapid nod from Zelda issued a melodramatic sigh. "Great, your on drugs and STILL hyper. Today's gonna suck," she complained. Zelda was about to retaliate when they heard a choking noise behind them. A young woman's eyes were popping out of her head as she stared at Mello and Matt. The class behind her was staring as well, but they didn't look too shocked.

"Wh-what are you wearing, young lady?!" rasped the teacher after finding her voice. "I know you're new, but to dress like that is so very inapr-" Here an enraged Mello cut her of.

"I'M NOT A FUCKING GIRL!" Mello roared. "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHO YOU ARE, I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT!" Thus began a full volume Mello rant. About a minute in, Zelda's phone vibrated. She answered it; putting a finger in her other ear in a vain attempt to block out Mello's yells.

"Yo…oh hey Jaz, why are we going there?"

"…LOCK YOU IN…"

"…A CODE BLUE?! Crap, we'll be right there. You want us to bring Matt and Mello?"

"…BREAK YOUR ARM…"

"Ok, be right there." Zelda hung up and looked Tia in the eye. "Grab the PMSing she-male and get your ass down to G204. Now." Tia nodded, grabbed Mello's arm, slapped him and dragged him off.

"Quiet Mello." Tia ordered. "The world's gonna end if we don't go help out the twin's classmates." She muttered to herself about it being too early in the morning for the Armageddon to start and everyone to die.

"Is she pessimistic or what?" Matt said to Zelda, who merely nodded sagely.

_**10 minutes later…**_

"We're back!" Zelda sang. She turned to Tia and added, "The world hasn't ended yet! You should be a bit more optimistic!" Tia just shook her head, too busy watching Mello to make sure he didn't murder the teacher. His death glare signalled that this was likely to happen soon. The teacher offered him a thin smile.

"I'm sorry for earlier, just wasn't thinking about what I said," she attempted.

"Don't worry," Matt reassured her. "It's a common mistake and he hasn't actually made good on any of the threats. He'll probably prank you later though."

"That's...great." The teacher said. "Now if you don't mind me asking, I'd like to know way...the goggles need an explanation too."

"Because we want too," Mello snapped. "Just get on with the lesson so it'll be over sooner." The teacher nodded okay and turned to the whiteboard.

"Ms Merri," Zelda called. "Could we have a prac class soon?" Her hope was dashed by the teacher's quick refusal. After pouting for a moment, she informed Mello that she and Tia would help him with revenge at break. The teacher actually missed that.

_**55 minutes later...**_

"How we getting back at the teacher?" Tia asked. Mello frowned for a minute, then an idea hit him.

"Who's in her next class?" He inquired.

"Lot's of kids, pretty rowdy class too," Zelda noted. "Why?"

"Would they be against a kind of hide and seek?"

Matt shook his head as the other three began plotting. "I'm not apart of this, just so you guys know."

"I'll arrange a meeting with Mr Smith about your smoking for you," Zelda bribed. "It'll take weeks otherwise."

"Done."

_**30 minutes later...**_

"Well, Matt's got a meeting with the principle tomorrow afternoon, Ms Merri has to hunt down 32 teenagers that will re-hide themselves up to five times and every staff member has been sent an email warning them of the consequences of insulting Mello," Zelda listed happily. "You're a great hacker Matt."

"So long as I don't get in trouble and wreck my chances," he stated.

"We've got English now," Tia put in glumly. "It'll be pure _agony_."

"You really need to work on that pessimist thing," Mello commented, while the teacher let them in.

_**70 minutes later...**_

"I take it back," Mello said bitterly. "That _was_ pure agony. I swear, the seven year olds at Wammy's know all that shit!"

"Told you so. What's Wammy's?" Tia asked.

"Orphanage where we lived until we were sent here," Matt explained.

"Oh," was all the girls had to say. The boys didn't care, they were used too the whole 'I didn't realise you were an orphan' thing and hated being told 'I'm sorry' by people who didn't really give a shit. Tia led the way to the kitchen to snag some food (more chocolate...and Nutella) and Zelda lead them to the girls' normal eating area. Mello and Tia were arguing over who had eaten the most chocolate that morning.

"Shut up you two," ordered a voice behind them. Jaz and Near walked up next to and the six teens finished the walk in silence.

"...and that's what happened," Mello concluded. "I'm pretty sure both teachers hate me, but that's nothing new. Although they did give us a crap load of unnecessary homework." He huffed disdainfully. "How'd you go, Near?"

"Apparently it has been decided by the other children in my classes that if we continue to let Jaz, Tia, Zelda, Alex and Alice guide us we will be rejected by the vast majority of the school populace," Near deadpanned. The boys tried to process this, before Matt summed it up for them.

"...What the fuck? You lost me there."


	6. The Sheep's Take on Highschool

**Author's Note: (Jaz)We have finally updated! I feel like we wrote that greeting before...but anyway, Near's chappie! Next chapter will involve the girls' pasts. Which reminds me, tell me if the girls are being portrayed how I'm aiming for. Also, if things seem weird(er) its because my little sis is watching me and randomly stabbing the keyboard and w3e didd2ent fix it 'catuseg we're too lazy. (I have6 to help her with maths hw and she's got **_**fractqqIONhs.)**_** On to the story! **_**-starts to hit sister, cue slap war-**_

When Jaz finally released Near, the boy stumbled a bit and asked her to never do it again. "Speed up and I won't have to," she waved it off. Near shook his head and collected his things, emotionless as ever. A couple minutes later, the teacher turned up and let the class in.

"Sir, are you subbing for Cammet-sensei?" Jaz inquired, dread lacing her voice. The teacher glared at her and nodded curtly. Jaz sighed and mumbled something about hating Japanese subs that couldn't even speak the language.

Jaz's phone pinged in the middle of her Japanese subs' 'go do this speech'. The substitute teacher gave her a dirty look as she pulled it out to read the text in the middle of class. After doing so, she pause; read it again, and then said something extremely worrying about the school.

"Shit." Near looked at her questioningly, but she just called someone on her iPhone. "Hey, Zelda? Grab Tia, we're off to G204...Its a Code Blue...Yeah, bring the boys too, since it'll save us explaining stuff twice or more. Okay, see youse in a minute." She hung up and turned to the sub. "I need to go and Near's coming with me. If we don't go, you're going to see the Armageddon mofo. Mr Smith gave us permission." She then rose from her seat, dragged Near out of his and marched off, muttering about inconsiderate bitches with rubbish timing skills._ 'What's going on?'_ Near wondered.

_**10 minutes later...**_

"We're back," stated a monotone Near. "Did we miss anything important?"

" 'Corse not, guy can't even speak Japanese," Jaz insisted. The glare she received from the man in question was shrugged off with an "I've seen better form a two year old." The sub then decided that none of his usual torture would work on the girl and switched to Near.

"Why are wearing pyjamas? And what is wrong with your hair?" He demanded. Near blinked and looked around. There seemed to be no specific uniform, as Jaz was wearing a long-sleeved pale green shirt with a yellow sleeveless jacket over top and navy blue cargo pants that reached below her knees. Her attire was the most non-revealing of all the girl's in the class. The boys weren't much better.

"Does it really matter?" Near questioned. He started to twirl his hair. "There is nothing wrong with my hair and if you are displeased with my clothes, shouldn't you also be concerned with the rest of the classes?" The teacher went red in anger and gestured to their seats. They sat down and the lesson resumed.

_**53 minutes later...**_

"Well, that was a complete waste of time," Jaz commented during lunch. Near nodded and followed her to the kitchen to get some food. After they left, they were approached by a group of five teens, roughly sixteen, Near guessed. He was rather surprised that they ignored Jaz and spoke to him instead.

"Your one of the new boys, right?" The leader- a tall brunette- questioned him. Near nodded and continued. "A tip of advice; if you actually want a chance to become sane and get out of here, don't hang out with Jaz and her band of loonies. They actually _like_ being insane. Stick with us and we'll help you and you brothers get out," he promised indicating his friends. Near was unsure of both why this boy assumed he was related to Mello and the others and how to respond. Jaz helped out with the latter.

"Look Guerin," she began, cracking her knuckles and death glaring. "You _will not_ insult my girls and you_ will_ leave Near and his friends in peace and not sell them your bullshit 'We'll get you out if you obey' speech. Now get the fuck out of my face or I will kick your sorry asses to the cleaner's block and make you clean all the toilets in the school."

"Who says we'll do what_ you _tell us to, Jaz?" Guerin pointed out, not noticing his friends back away from the girl radiating killing intent.

Jaz chuckled humourlessly. "You might be in the 12th grade, but _I_ am sane so that means that _I _outrank you."

"I beg to differ on that statement."

"Near," Jaz said in a sad tone as Guerin's friends dragged him off and fled. "When someone is backing you up, don't insult them like that."

"Sorry."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "Come on, we got S.O.S.E in three minutes."

_**70 minutes later...**_

"Well, that was a complete waste of time, just like before" Near stated as he and Jaz left their classroom. Jaz nodded agreement, but her mind seemed elsewhere. Near dismissed it until she spoke to him.

"Why were you so surprised when Guerin called Matt, Mello, BB and A your brothers?" Near was silent for a moment before answering.

"The orphanage we come from has a…competition, if you will, on who the smartest child is. I am first, Mello, Matt, BB and A are second, third, fourth and fifth; in that order. A dropped out if the contest briefly at one point due to stress and depression, BB did as well to support his best friend." Near paused for breath. "Matt doesn't really care, and when the other two rejoined the race, neither cared as much as they used to."

Jaz nodded her understanding. "What about Mello?"

"Mello wants to be first and has always seen me as a rival in the way of his goal. He _used_ to hate me, but I'm not so sure of that now. I personally have never had anything against any of them, but nobody has ever referenced us as brothers."

"Well, you all look a bit alike," Jaz pointed out and they approached an arguing Tia and Mello from behind. "Shut up you too," she ordered. They finished the walk in silence.

"…So it seems that the most responsible students are actually not very liked," Near concluded.

"People do like us," Alex protested, "just not Guerin and his pack."

"How come you guys never really commented on all of us being orphans?" questioned A.

"That has to do with the reason all of us are in this madhouse, which is for us to know and you boys to find out," chirped Jaz. "Lunch break's almost over, so we should head off to class. See you all after school!" She waved and lead Near to their next class, the others swiftly followed suit. All five boys privately resolved to find out just how the girls had been booked into the alyssum.

**Author Note: Zelda here! Jaz wrote this chapter and I edited. Next chapter will be written by me and contain the details on how we all got…..um…"Placed" in this prison.**


	7. Who's Kira?

Chapter 6

**Authors Note: Hey guys, Zelda is back! Curse my mother for not believing enough in my brother and I's abilities enough to get it together and get a job herself. Then she has the nerve to go into a massive rant about how we don't have the right kind of money for me to go on the Japan trip this year. I am going to go to japan so I can go to school there for a while. IN MY SCHOOL HOLIDAYS! Sorry about that rant, it's really been bugging me, as most of my friends are allowed to go, but as of right now I have no chance. Anyone got any ideas how I can earn money? On with the story!**

**Disclaimer: (We've really been neglecting this thing, haven't we?) We own nothing, other than parts of the story line. The rest belongs to other people and Jaz's mental state.**

"BB, why are we here again?" whined Mello as he watched Tia begin to wrestle with Alice over a jar of Nutella.

"I do believe we are here to improve our social skills, but the real reason is to protect us from this Kira person who is killing off criminal and detectives alike."

"BB, STOP ANSWERING REATORICAL QUESTIONS FOR THE 7TH TIME!" Jaz screamed from across the room.

"Who's Kira?" said Alex looking up from where she was playing Pokémon with Matt.

Tia and Alice turned around while jabbing Zelda in the ribs until she turned around to face them as well.

All four Wammy boys began to simultaneously death glare BB, who was quiet oblivious to their anger. It was Mello who broke the silence. "**BB, GODDAMMIT THAT WAS A FUCKING INTERNATIONA L SECRET!**"

"Oops?" BB offered.

"So who's Kira?" Demanded Zelda, "You didn't answer us!"

"We can't tell you who Kira is, it's SUPPOSED to be an international secret", explained Near, glaring at BB for all his worth.

"However," Mello put in. "We MAY tell you all we know about Kira if you tell us how you all ended up here." The girls pouted and held a mini-conference between them; whispering, nodding and shaking their heads. Eventually they turned around.

"Deal," Tia said while nodding along with the others (in a pre-organised routine that had taken most of the discussion time).

"Who wants to start?" inquired Jaz. Silence was all that was heard until suddenly…

"If nobody else will, we'll do it." Alex said. "When we were 11, our mother was in a car accident and became comatose due to shock. Dad was on a business trip, so our Aunt Jane came to look after us. We were really stressed out over our mum, so we kinda...lost it..." Alex trailed off.

"Go on," A encouraged her. "We won't judge you...anymore than we already do."

Alice cracked a thin smile and continued for her twin. "We were having nightmares, and when we woke up; we'd hear voices, telling us something along the lines of 'it's okay, you're alright, and I won't let anyone hurt you.' Aunt Jane heard us talking to them one time and freaked. She told us that we were crazy and to never talk to the 'voices' again."

"Mean Aunt Jane," Tia interjected. "_Very_ mean Aunt Jane."

"Anyway," Alex carried on, "we kinda flipped and ignored them, but they still tried to make us talk. They told us their names-Vex and Toni-and that they could make our aunt less mean if we wanted them to. After a week, they were fed up of being ignored so they took over. Toni attacked Aunt Jane under the accusation of being an 'evil killer bush sent by Martians to eat our brains' and Vex was throwing stink bombs at the neighbours. She sent us to the asylum, Dad came back from his business trip, Mum woke up, Aunt Jane told them we were crazy lil' bitches and Mum cried for like, an hour."

"They used to visit us once a week, but the psychiatrists sold them some bullshit story about their presence 'disrupting the healing process' so they just wrote letters instead. We were transferred here when we started high school. Dad and Mum kept in contact for a while, but stopped sending letters about 18 months ago. We sent them one, turned out they moved house. No clue in hell as to where they are now." Alice concluded.

"...Oh," was all the boys had to say to that. "That was kind of a depressing ending..."

"Omoshirokunai desu ne," Jaz said solemnly.

"Kunai? Stabby stabby ninja knife?!" exclaimed Zelda, looking around wildly. Everyone laughed at her and she grinned. "Now that we are slightly less depressed, I'll tell you boys my story! Mine isn't too bad, I just snuck into my school's science block with my former best friend to play with dangerous chemicals."

The boys stared at her in disbelief that it wasn't bad. Zelda rolled her eyes. "I knew what I was _doing _I wasn't _planning _on exploding anything. But my 'friend' bailed and snitched on me! The teachers burst into the room and started yelling, which startled me and caused me to add the wrong chemical to the solution. The building was blown sky high, but miraculously, nobody was injured. The principle expelled me and I was sent to finish grade 8 here...I just never got around to leaving."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Matt asked of no one.

"Because its _Zelda_," Tia answered regardless. "I'm here because I...acquired a very sharp knife and ran around my primary school stabbing trees, because trees are people too! I didn't like the people at my school, so I stabbed, graffiti and screamed at the bushland. Needless to say, the local council's environmental squad caught me. I have been here ever since and my parents visit on the odd weekend, just for laughs."

"We don't even want to KNOW what you mean by that."

"Anyway, guess it's my turn," Jaz sighed. "My parents used to do voluntary garden work here in the afternoons. I didn't really socialize before I came here; none of the kids I knew liked the same things as me, so we didn't really get along. Towards the end of seventh grade, I started helping out my parents with the gardening. I met this lot," she gestured to her friends "and we started a random conversation about anime. I came over more regularly to talk to them and we became friends. When I told my parents that I had friends, they were like 'OMG! Our daughter isn't an antisocial recluse after all!'…Then I told them that my friends were all in the asylum and they weren't too happy about it…Decided that if the only people I could befriend were all batshit insane, then I must be too. Checked me in here after I finished seventh grade…Jumping for joy, hugging them and screaming 'thanks so much! You guys are the best parents EVER!' only strengthened their belief…Still see them when they come to do the gardening, but they mostly ignore me."

"Huh…Well, Kira is psychotic mass murderer who can kill you by knowing your name and face, nobody understands how that works. He only kills criminals and people that are trying to catch him…L, the greatest detective in the world, is currently leading the Kira investigation. The contest that Near mentioned in our orphanage is all about which of us will replace L when he dies and we think he sent us here more for our own protection than to socialize." BB listed.

"Cool….we promise not to tell anyone," Alice said. The boys nodded and the room returned to the state it had been in before. Tia won the jar of Nutella, Matt kicked Alex's ass in Pokémon, Jaz and Near attempted to have a conversation in Japanese and Alice was yelling at Mello and A for messing up the symmetry of the room…BB thought it was sad that he already considered the semi-chaos to be normal.

**Author's Note**: **I hereby declare this chapter finished!**

**Jaz: Took you long enough Zelda.**

**Zelda: When did you get here?**

**Jaz: Just now. I would like to explain to our dear readers that this took so long to write because Zelda couldn't use her computer during the week, she had to come over to my house on Sunday and we both typed it. Also,** **Omoshirokunai desu ne means 'it was not funny' in Japanese.**

**Zelda: It's not like you can talk, you took forever to finish the last chapter.**

**Jaz: Because my stupid sister hid my USB, which was the only copy of it that I had!**

**Zelda: Whatever. I gotta go type up my English assignment, you know, the one I had to rewrite THREE TIMES because the teacher didn't like it?!**

**Jaz: Yeah…Anyway, please review! Also, if you don't like this new practise of yelling at each other at the end of the chapter, let us know. Bye! **


	8. The HPE Assignment of Doom

**Authors Note: Sorry about the slow updates guys, here is Australia it is currently school time again, so we may be slow with updates. Also I do want to remind Alice AND her little sister that the reviews are not there just so they can be crazy and drive the authors mad. DO THAT AT SCHOOL! On with the story! Also, we have been asked in the reviews if there really is such thing as a high school for the mentally unstable and Alice answered it in the reviews but I will paste her reply here: "They don't have actual high schools, but they do teach you still. Also, I read your profile, and you are awesome! Goths unite! Byedie byedie!" In response to Witch-Werewolf-luv-twi-loner's question. And again, Alice and Alice's little sister (we will give her a code name later) the reviews for this story are not there so you can spam the other reviews and annoy the authors. You may be in the story, but that just means we can GET REVENGE!**

The HPE assignment of doooooom!

It was just a regular day at the high school for the mentally unstable, well as normal as it can get really.

Students were crawling through vents, playing with chemicals and conducting secret meetings and the clueless teachers were trying to stop them. Well, not so much the secret meetings, as they were well, secret, but everything else was attempted to be controlled.

The first lesson of the day has started and this found Near and Jaz in the world wide feared HPE class. While HPE was already a feared subject, today was much worse. They were receiving assignments. _In pairs_. You know what that meant. Yep, the dreaded parenting assessment. You were given an egg and had to look after it for a week. That simple. If it cracked, you failed.

Now, this may sound easy to do, but in a school full of lunatics who regularly went through the practices of mixing dangerous chemicals, hijacking the teachers cars, hacking computers systems to gain access to security cameras and fire alarms, and simply ran around like lunatics, keeping something safe was quite the challenge, especially for something as fragile as an egg.

Both Jaz and Near found themselves staring at the egg in question. Near however, felt that Jaz's death glare would be too potent for the fragile egg.

"Jaz, I strongly suggest you stop glaring at that egg, I have been here long enough to know that if something doesn't seem likely to happen it will. And that egg doesn't look like it will spontaneously combust."

"You've been hanging around Tia and Zelda too much, stuff like that only happens to them," was Jaz's reply.

"True, but I do wish you would stop glaring at the egg. The grades I receive are sent back to L and the orphanage."

"Whatever." Jaz switched her glare to the teacher that had _dared_ to give them this assignment and pair her with Near...even though he was generally the best pick out of all the boys in the class.

"You really do like glaring at things don't you?" questioned a sighing Near.

"It's a hobby of mine," confirmed Jaz, continuing to will the teacher to dissolve. Near sighed and began to read the task sheet:

_You are required to care for this egg as if it were your own child for one week. If any damage is done to the egg it will detract from your grade. So if you are one of the few people who care about your grades you will not explode, boil, fry, pouch, incinerate of otherwise damage the egg._

"Well, THAT was a cheerful task sheet," said Near as he finished reading.

"Does it say something like 'don't kill the egg, if you care enough'?" inquired Jaz while leaning over to read over Near's shoulder.

"Pretty much," Near said, getting pretty creeped out by Jaz's proximity to him.

"Yeah, doesn't look like they've changed the task sheet yet, this is the same one Alice and Alex got when they were in grade 9."

"Did Alice and Alex pass?"

"…No…"

"…Do I want to know why?"

"Probably not. Let's just say it involved several fire extinguishers and a bathtub full mustard."

"…Okay then. We should fill out the sheet." Near looked over the sheet. "The egg has been assigned a gender, we have to name it and give it realistic features, history and the like."

"Fine, what should we call it?"

"Is it a female or male?"

"Ask the teacher."

"Okay," Near turned to the teacher. "What's the egg's gender?"

"Male, it's gender is."

"Thank you MASTER YODA!" Jaz chirped sarcastically. The teacher stared at her incredulously before shaking his head and turning around to disrupt a minor brawl.

"Name…how about…umm…Fred?" Jaz suggested.

"Why Fred?"

"It's what Zelda calls all inanimate objects that she is semi-attached to. If she's really attached to it she calls it Dave. I just stole it."

"…Fred it is then. What's your last name?"

"Why do we have to use mine? You're the boy."

"My real name is a secret, therefore we cannot use it."

"Huh, so your name's not actually a form of measurement. Does this rule apply to the other boys too?"

"Yes."

"Okay then, my last name's Litter."

"Seriously, as in what you do when you drop rubbish?"

"Yes, my ancestors were pretty messed up too."

"Whatever just write it down so we can be done here."Jaz wrote the eggs name on the piece of paper, then stood up, waved the paper in the teachers face and left for the day with Near following her.

**(I am a scene change, changing the scene. I am a scene change, changing the scene.)**

Once Jaz and Near reached the meeting point they were met with the standard afternoon greetings from the rest of the group.

"Jaz, Tia hit me."

"Zelda is being annoyingly optimistic again."

"Do you have any lollies?"

"Did anyone die?"

Jaz took in all the questions and responded with;

"Hit her back; tell her she will never be a unicorn, no and no." Immediately after this response, Zelda hit Tia, who responded with yelling at her that only Pokémon can evolve into something as cool as a unicorn, and the twins started grumbling about lack of appropriate murder weapons in schools and stupid budget cuts. All five boys watched astounded as she handled them all with ease and began to wonder why she was in here to begin with, but then;

"Hey, Zelda, did you try to smuggle those Tim-Tams out of the teacher's lounge like I asked?" Zelda looked up from her depressed state and started to back away slowly from Jaz with a fearful look on her face.

"Not exactly Jaz, you see it was really well guarded, and…"

"YOU DIDN'T GET MY TIM-TAMS!" Jaz suddenly launched herself at Zelda with the intention to kill. Zelda to her credit did start running seriously quickly, but she was no match for the rage filled Jaz and was soon caught and tacked.

Alex and Alice then turned to the boys with a (attempted) encouraging smile.

"We should just leave them at it for now."

"They can be at that for HOURS!" Nodding dumbstruck the boys followed the remaining girls (Alex and Alice. Tia was having too much fun watching the violence) back to the dorms.

**Authors Note(RANT): So sorry for the slow update! Life is hectic and so are we. **

**Jaz: You may be hectic but I am not.**

**Zelda: Keep telling yourself that Jaz!**

**Jaz: Okay I will.**

**Zelda: *whispers*the readers are here!**

**Jaz: SHIT!**

**Zelda: It took us so long to update because-we had assessment, then holidays and then we had to motivate our lazy asses.**

**Jaz: And as a reward for your patience we give you…..**

**Zelda: *Drumroll***

**Jaz: AN ACTUAL PLOT!**

**Zelda: *Gasp of horror***

**Jaz: Yeah, I know shocking. Next chapter the rest of the group will find out about Near and I's little project and the girls will convince the boys to 'help' us. **

**Zelda: So excuse us for now while we go do that and get inspiration!**


	9. Flaming Bamboo & Ninja Outfits

**Authors Note: Hey guys, we're back! Sorry if the delays are bothering you. Hey, would any one like to see some art? I(Zelda) draw anime characters(not very well but still) so If you would like I can try to draw the unrecognisable characters from this story and show you guys. **

**Note* this symbol (~~~~~ [also known as squiggly line thing]) indicates singing or sing-song voice.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing, and as of now, nobody has put the rights to Death Note up on ebay so we will not own it in the future either.**

**Preparation for the raid and Flaming Bamboo**

"Does everyone know the plan?" Jaz questioned. At the nods of confirmation, she continued. "Okay, now tell me what you are all going to do."

"Alice, BB, A and I will use the underground tunnels to get to the teachers' lounge and take the 'goods' back here," said Alex.

"Wait, why are we helping you do this?!" Squawked A indignantly.

"Because we threatened to flush your favourite belongings down the communal toilet," chimed in Zelda.

"Anyway, the rest of us will go in through the air vents and pass the goods down to you guys before getting back in the vent and returning to the meeting point," said Tia with a sigh.

"Before that, Matt has to disable the security cameras or Zelda will delete all of his saved files on Pokémon," Alice added.

"You wouldn't DARE!" Matt growledbt76cgfyjudtrhy7bt78ot7adadfghadfgh (Sorry about that, Jaz had a spaz while typing this and we were too lazy to take it out ;) [The winky face was Alex])

"Oh yes she would~!" piped up Alex.

"We bribed her, of course she would!" said Tia.

"BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND!" roared Jaz.

"Right."

While Matt hacked into the schools security grid and disabled the cameras, the others took themselves to get changed into their ninja getup.

"Why are we wearing Ninja costumes?" asked Near.

"BECAUSE NINJAS ARE MOST EPIC AND YOUTHFUL! YOSH!" screamed Zelda before Tia slapped her in the face and shushed her.

Alice sighed, "we really need to stop letting her watch Naruto. "

Alex nodded her agreement before replying; "Yeah, the last time she watched the Chunin Exam arc she started trying to swallow everything and anything. She even tried to swallow the T.V. remote! It was horrible, the buttons were all slimy…."

Alex and Alice began to make grossed out faces while the boys looked to Zelda with hysterical looking faces.

"I was experimenting to see if I could swallow stuff and bring it back up later to use it, like Orochimaru."

"WHY THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO IMITATE THE PEDOPHILE SNAKE MAN, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE SASUKE STALKER!"

"….Because I like his sense of style?"

"BAKA!"

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!' screamed Zelda as Tia started chasing after Zelda with a piece of bamboo that had appeared out of nowhere.

"Should we be helping her?" asked BB, though he looked on amused at the scene before him.

"Nahhh, she may not look like it but she is capable of defending herself, killing Tia and saving the piece of bamboo." commented Alice, before going back into her room to grab a pouch full of origami shuriken.

"FLAMING BAMBOO STRIKE!" came a shout from the other side of the room.

"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed Tia, running back clutching her backside, "She hit my butt!"

"Serves you right, hitting people just because they like certain anime villains," Grumbled Alex.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO INEED TO SAY THIS TO YOU IDIOTS! BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND!"screamed Jaz as she slapped both Tia and Zelda in the face simultaneously.

"I think Jaz just lost what was left of her sanity, "whispered Alice to BB.

"She still had some left? I thought we had gotten the last of it when we put those biscuits on her face while she was asleep," whispered Alex.

"Righto~, now that that's sorted let's get going," instructed Jaz, with a look that said, 'Do it, I DARE you'.

As instructed the party soon split into its designated groups and climbed into the specified way of passage.

**Sorry it's so short this time guys. But we will need a full other chapter to go over the raid. This chapter will go unchecked by Jaz, as I, Zelda am typing this while a home sick. Any questions on anything really review or PM us and we will try to reply as soon as possible. Oh and about that weird section with Matt that was typed in the school library and we were typing it and Jaz had this like spaz attack, so I was just like: If you're going to have a spaz while typing this, I will leave it in. It then ensured a 5 minute lone battle over the computer. Then Alex shows up and decides to put in a smiley. She's an odd one. **


	10. Staffroom Raid of Random

**Authors Note:**

**(In unison): WE'RE BAAAAACK!**

**Jaz: Okay, we know we haven't updated in like…a month-ish? But you owe theses new chapters to our friend that we based Alice on, cause it's her birthday and this is her present. Plus, rabid plot bunnies attacked Zelda in maths and gave a real crazy idea that we can't wait to write!**

**Zelda: Now please enjoy these new chapters while we run from the mad reviewers with the pitchforks and torches. *Dodges flying pitchfork* Run for your life, Jaz!**

(In the sewers with the twins, A and BB)

"Do you guys know where you're going?" Questioned A, worrying that they may just die in here if they didn't.

"Of course we do! Now we go right here, right?" said Alex.

"No, we go left!" retorted Alice.

"Right!"

"Left!"

"Right!"

"Le….Ft! MmmRrRrr" grumbled Alice as BB slammed a hand over her mouth.

"Quiet, they'll hear us!" hissed BB angrily.

"Oooooooh, I remember now, we go UP!" Whisper/Yelled Alex.

"….You're kidding right?" A said in an exasperated voice.

"Nope, we climb this ladder and ease the Manhole cover off slowly. Then we wait for the others." Chimed Alice, who had recently freed herself from BB by biting his hand.

(In the vents, with everyone else)

"How much further?" Mello hissed. "This is way too cramped!"

"Teaspoon of cement, princess," Jaz retorted.

"We're almost there," added Tia. "We go down through the next vent."

The group did as instructed and lowered themselves through the next vent they came to.

With stealth that rivalled that of previously mentioned ninjas, they dropped to the floor and scuttled out of sight.

"Good, you guys got here without being heard," whispered Jaz to the group that had come up through the pipes.

"Of course we did, it's us," retorted Alice with an offended tone.

"Okay, the fridge is this way, Near and Jaz go raid it; Mello and Tia, sharp objects in the back corner; Matt and I will look in the confiscated draws for anything else of value; twins, hand everything we give you to BB and A in the tunnels. Let's go people, YOSH!" Ordered Zelda cheerfully.

As they scrambled their assigned areas, Near heard something shuffling behind the fridge. He looked at Jaz, who didn't seem to have heard anything, before peeking behind the fridge. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting to see, but it certainly was _not_ to be punched in the jaw. The punch was quickly followed by a kick to his gut and he dropped to the floor. Before the mystery attacker could finish him off, Jaz intervened.

"Cora? That you?" She questioned, stepping in front of defenceless little Near.

"Jaz? What are you doing here?" A girl of roughly the same age as the twins stepped out from behind the fridge. She had slightly curly pale blonde hair and pale green eyes. She looked around and noticed the others. "You guys raiding?"

"Yep, you too?"

"Yeah…"

"Wanna come back with us and split the goods when we get there?"

"Sure! Help me move the fridge, we're taking the whole thing."

"Okay…Did you have to attack Near like that?"

"Thought he was a ghost."

"Ohh." Jaz had to admit, it made sense. They finished up in the staffroom and headed back to the girls' room.

(Scene Break!)

"So Jaz gets the Tim Tams, Zelda gets all the cake, Tia keeps the Nutella, Mello wants the chocolate, twins want liquorish, Near gets pain meds, I want the jam, Cora has her own little stash and Matt and A have divided the lighters, knifes and other items as fairly as is possible," BB listed. "Any questions?"

"Yeah," Alex said. "Cora, why were you raiding the staffroom? From what I've seen of you in classes you're so…quiet and well…you generally seem to obey the rules." She trailed off at the end.

Cora shrugged. "I was bored. I've got no friends, remember?"

Zelda disappeared, then came back with an olive branch and handed it to Cora. "Please accept this truce and join our little pack of crazies!" Her tone was cheerful, and the boys looked indignant about being included in the statement.

Cora stared at the branch, before she reached out to take it. "I have no idea why or how you have an olive branch in your room, but sure, I guess we can be friends."

"OUR INFLUENCE HAS BEEN EXTENDED! WE WILL SOON BE ABLE TO ACTIVE OPERATION CUPCAKE! TONI, CELEBRATE WITH ME!" Vex chose that moment to take over Alice and Toni was happy to follow orders. It took the others three hours to calm them down. Just as Cora was about to sneak out to her room, Tia realised something.

"We have to get up for school in _two hours_!" she howled. Everyone quickly attempted to gain some much need rest. The boys vowed that they would never get caught up in one of the girls' crazy midnight raids _ever_ again.

(The next morning)

The girls (in what was definately _not_ two hours) rudely dragged the boys out of their beds. They didn't even lead them to the breakfast hall; instead, they were hauled off to one of the single dorms. They came to an abrupt stop in front of a door with a Tardus poster on it, and then Zelda stepped forward and knocked on the door.

Knock knock knock. "Penny," knock knock knock "Penny," knock knock knock "Penny." She waited for a bit then repeated the action. Knock knock knock, "Pen-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF ANIME, DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU BITCH!" The door was violently ripped open and Cora's head appeared. "WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING OUTSIDE MY ROOM?!"

"Your our friend now! So we had to come and get you so we can all go get breakfast!" Alice was surprisingly cheerful, considering the time. Cora stared at them, sighed and left the room. They six girls and five boys trooped off to breakfast. Mello was the first to ask what was on everyone's mind.

"What the fuck was with that? I thought her name was Cora?" The other boys nodded their agreement.

Cora glared. "Cora's just my nickname. I hate my real name with a passion, so don't use it if you want to live."

Jaz decided to add to the explanation. "Her name's actually Penelope, and the knocking thing's from Big Bang Theory. The girl's name is Penny and this guy, Sheldon, always knocks on her door like that. Since Penelope can be shortened to Penny, that's gonna be a daily occurrence now." She grinned at the end.

"Why doesn't the death threat apply to them?" A complained.

"Because they're the only ones that have actually wanted to be my friends. Everyone else is scared off once they know my back story." Cora explained. Her hand was twitching the whole time.

"...I'll regret asking, but what _is_ you back story?" Matt's voice was wary.

"Well boys..." Cora began as they entered the breakfast hall.

(15 minutes later, on the way to Near and Jaz's HPE class)

"...and then I set the monkeys out; they hadn't got their rabies shots, just FYI; and the zoo demanded that I pay for everything, so I told them 'FISH', ran, got caught and sent here." Cora summed up. The boys only had minor mental trauma too!

Jaz pulled a brain dead Near into class, calling a see ya over her shoulder. She didn't realise that everyone saw her take the chicken egg out of her pocket.

"Why does Jaz have an egg?" B asked.

"Eating in class?" guessed Alex.

"No," Tia said with a smirk. "I'd say it's pairing assignment in HPE...hey Cora?"

"Yeah?"

"What say you co-ordinate the attack to mess up their project as your initiation?"

"Why are you messing with their school work?" A inquired.

"Because we can! I accept the task!" Cora declared. Even Mello felt a little sorry for Jaz and Near...only a little.

**Jaz: Poor us, the other's are gonna gang up on us and kill our project DX**

**Zelda: Who cares? For those that don't know, FISH stands for Fuck It Shit Happens. Next update might be faster...If you guys don't kill us. *grenade lands at feet* FUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKK!**

**Jaz: Reviews will save our lives! Zelda, HEAD FOR THE HILLS! *EXPLOSION***


End file.
